Where to start...
Well, about two weeks ago I was totally panicking a little because I had no job, no money, and I hadn't done anything about getting my Visa for Spain or booking flights. Usually my reaction is to become so stressed out that I literally don't have to capacity to completely any tasks. Pretty much how I have been handling everything lately. I have started labeling it my stress ADD. It comes out at the worst times. But this time around I've been trying a different approach. I called it the Chill The Heck Out And See What Happens approach.
2011 has been all about Trust. And when I say trust I mean trusting that all I need will be provided for me. Trusting that when I actually let Jesus do his work, it all gets done. This has been a very scary concept for me. It sounds wonderful on paper and in theory should be a no brainer. So in this past January I tried not stressing or doing really but praying, waiting, watching, and trusting. In the beginning that process turned out to be way more stressful than my original attack method. Mostly because I think things typically don't get done or done right unless I do them myself. Well, I believe I am learning my lesson and am every so happy to be learning it and I think I will be learning it my entire life. But somehow, I am ok with that.
All this to say little by little for the past 5 months I have been slowly giving up control. It has not been an easy thing. And I still have days where I wonder how in the world I am going to make it but those days are significantly less. My new approach of trusting hasn't been a walk in the park but at this moment in time I am already seeing the fruits. So much fruit in fact that some of it is rotting on the ground because I can't fit it all in my basket. Never thought I would have that problem. And this is how I know that Jesus has the most wonderful sense of humor and I think we shall get along just fine.
I mean oday, I have a part time job hostessing at the Grovewood Cafe that literally found me about a week ago (thanks Hunter!!!). I get calls for babysitting and other odd jobs everyday. I have a few dog sitting jobs lined up. Things for Spain are slowly beginning to fall into place. And I feel more loved and blessed than I have a quite awhile.
The freedom and contentment I feel right now is ridiculous and awesome and sometimes I want to slap myself to make sure this life I am living isn't a dream or somebody's idea of a bad joke. But it IS real. And it is mine, given to me by the One who choses to love me and lovingly rub it in my face just how much he loves me. And I am entirely too grateful and humbled for words.
This is the first time in almost 2 years that I can remember being at peace. The tables have turned in my favor and I know how they got there.
People always tell you to enjoy it now because it will be gone sooner or later. But I am not so sure that I believe that. Because what I do believe is this. That I serve a God who loves me so much that he sacrificed his own life so that I could be with Him. And I believe that while the blessings may not always look THIS fantastic they will continue to come, but only if I let them. And they won't always look this grand and spectacular. But they will be there. Providing for my needs big and small. I need only to give up the driver's seat.
Somebody very smart, wise, and successful (insert rolling laughter here) once said,
"Je-e-e-e-sus take the wheel!"
But for real, it's yours Jesus. I am road weary.
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