Saturday, January 30, 2010

Back To Square One...

This weekend I most willingly accepted the offer to get snowed in at Matt and Leslie Sloan's house. Best decision ever. In about one hour we had at least 4 inches on the ground and only a few short hours later at least 7 had fallen. Even as I write this the snow is still coming down. Of course, I am really prepared and have no camera but I guess I'll just steal some of Leslie's amazing pictures that I'm sure will be taken tomorrow.

I also happen to take a late night walk through the neighborhood in the snow, alone. As you may know things have been a little (understatement) rough lately and I feel completely beaten down and stripped of any strength I thought I ever had. While walking tonight I did a lot of things. I cried (frozen tears of course), I yelled, I threw lots of snowballs at stop signs and I shuffled through snow that came up at least to mid calf. As I was walking down the street, there were two very clear paths I could take. Some idiot had tried to drive in the snow and had left some tire tracks where the snow was only about 4 or 5 inches deep. In the middle on the other hand the snow was pushing 10-12 inches. Well me being crazy as I am began to take the harder path of course. Trudging about 20 yards up the road, it was in that moment that it hit me, what the heck was I doing walking in middle when I could be walking in the much shallower snow where someone had gone before me? It was still a hard walk but obviously a little more comforting knowing I had tracks to follow.

And that is when I stopped and thought about my life recently. Through all of this I have been trying to bravely soldier on and push through without slowing down much to give myself time to decompress. I've been trying to drag myself through the deep pile of snow instead of giving myself fully to Christ and letting him lead me through the deep snow that still sucks but not as much with Him by my side. And it was at the end of this week when I think I finally got it. Who knows? maybe tomorrow I'll go back to trying to push on through but I sure hope not.

God has clearly told me he wants my full and undivided attention and I've been giving him only part of myself pretending that it is all.
It was this week when I found out I have/had a stress fracture, a good family friend was diagnosed with cancer, and a college friend's dad died after a routine surgery, that I finally stopped. And now I am snowed in, something that I am not going to take lightly. I am tired, no, I'm exhausted. I mean, I fell asleep standing up at a Donna Buffalo show at the Orange Peel in Asheville and it was loud. Really, who does that?? Everything in me is screaming to stop and now I have to listen.

I have nothing left. Tonight while trudging through the snow I took several minutes to just stop and listen. I have always loved crazy snow storms because literally all life stops. The silence and stillness in incredible and sometimes much welcome. I stood in the middle of Fanning Bridge Road (a major road) and looked up and down the street at the stillness. Everything was covered in a thick blanket of beautiful white glistening snow. It was at this point I felt God nudging me to let Him really cover me like that. To take everything in my life, not just the things I want him to have, to open my clenched fists and let him grab my hand. I'm really frustrated it has taken a whole lot of crap to get me to this point but I'm slowly actually learning from experience that life is just going to be full of crap. Doesn't mean I have to like that fact but I've got to learn to go through it with Christ knowing his Love will somehow carry me through every freaking day, even when I don't feel like it will. People die, people get sick, move, or just disappear from our lives. And it sucks. It sucks really bad. But I can't imagine going through these things alone with no one to be there to love you. God has definitely been using other people from the start to show me but a small portion of his love for me (which is far too large for me to comprehend) but I've been too blind to see it.

Unfortunately it has taken death, sickness, tiredness, sadness, and even a gigantic snow storm for God to actually have my attention. Think I'm a bit stubborn? Well, he has it and somehow I've got to start to let go of myself completely.

Now there's a scary thought...

Monday, January 25, 2010

In Case You Didn't Hear

So my good friend Leslie Sloan kindly informed me that today, Monday January 25, 2010 was deemed National Bubble Wrap Day. I kid you not. I found this out at 11:30pm and no less than 2 minutes later I was on the website (found ) checking out all of the crazy bubble wrap stuff I am convinced that at some point in most everybody's life they are obsessed with Bubble Wrap. Me, I will always be obsessed. And recently I had to have a bunch of breakable things sent to my new apartment here in Asheville so I had trashbags full of beautiful Bubble Wrap to play with. We took all of my breakable things to Parcel Express in Boerne (the most magical place ever, well, close). Like most places like them you just drop your junk, pay for it and they pack it up. They are very kind and caring with your belongings but let's just say I probably could have run over these items in my car and they would have been fine because they were snuggled into thousands of layers of Bubble Wrap.

So on this website, I found this video. I'm sure there was some sound editing that went into it but I was sucked into the craziness and watched the full 2 minutes of Bubble Wrap popping. I am convinced that if it is not already a therapy, it should be. And if you haven't downloaded the Bubble Wrap App for your iTouch or iPhone, DO IT! and if you not have either of these things do not worry, they have the same thing basically on their website.

You are Welcome

Monday, January 18, 2010

The Small Things

I realize my posts have been few and far between in the past few weeks. This is mostly because I have been all over the place. I went on a Caribbean cruise and then finally returned to Asheville to begin the much dread school. This last week was a whirlwind of activity that included many early mornings and much stress. I finally moved into my new apartment which is exciting and frightening all at the same time. I literally find myself living day by day and not only is that about all I can handle right now but it is so much easier. This semester is going to be hard but I know that there are many people who are willing to help me get through it and that is such a blessing to know. And there is one more thing that will help me brave the rough seas ahead.....

that is right folks. Thursday night NBC TV is finally back and providing much needed laughs throughout the days. I recently had a friend share this mash up with me. I do hope you enjoy it even if you don't watch the show (which you should).

I cannot wait to purchase the first season and watch it until the DVDs is cracked from use and I have the best abs in the entirety of Asheville from laughing so hard.