Tomorrow John Noll would have graduated from Boerne Champion High School. Tomorrow I would have been in Boerne, TX celebrating with the family. But sadly, I am not. My parents and sister are still going. I can't even imagine what that will be like for them.
Yet another thing to get through. Another reminder that my brother isn't here anymore and will never be. And to be quite honest, it hurts a lot. No surprise there, I guess. The ache now ebbs and flows. Today I felt the loss more than I have felt it in several months. I thought these moments of consuming sadness would end. But they have not. And I know realize they might never end. But somehow, by the Grace of God alone I have learned how to sit and them, to drink them in, and to not ignore them but at the same time not let them completely consume me. I can even smile through them sometimes. Laughing at a memory or remembering a joke.
O how I wish I could be there with my family. To walk through the painful day together.
Even through the heartache today I still remembered how far I have come. Even from a mere 6 months ago. How far we have come as a family. And how far we have yet to go. I talked to my older brother, Ryan, on the phone tonight. It was so so good to hear his voice. It is a strange thing. Death seems to have brought our family closer together. A closeness I wouldn't have guessed would have happened this fast.
So many conflicting emotions, it is hard to keep them straight sometimes.
Thanks to all of you who continue to love me and my family. You are Christ's love physically and visibly present in our lives.
And it is because of His love that I am here today.
Thanks to those who have continued to honor John Noll. It means the world to me and my family.
Seriously.
Senior trip to Boone, NC.
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