To Mom

This year I don't get to be home for Mother's Day. It was actually a strange feeling to wake up in my own apartment and not be near my mother. To not be able to actually celebrate her all day long. To not make signs and decorate the house. Make horrible looking hand made cards that were so ugly but she loved them anyways.
Ok, and also sad to not eat Mother's Day brunch. There, I said it.

But in all seriousness it was kind of depressing. So instead I am writing this blog post in celebration of Stacey Noll, my mother of 14 years and counting!!

I have never blogged about this that I can recall. But I once had a different mother. One I did not get to know very long. Her name was Gail and she was lovely. Here is a picture of my dad, Gail, Ryan, and I. 1989. Those legs are lookin' good, Dad.

I don't have many memories of her but the things that people have told me are all good. I would have liked to know her and what she was like. A natural reaction. But sadly she suddenly and tragically passed away a few days after my youngest sister, Anne, was born due to some health complications. January 13, 1995. I remember it all pretty clearly. One day Mom and Dad were going to the hospital to "get my new baby sister" and then Dad came home alone with Anne. All very sad and very confusing to my 5 year old self.  But life marches on. My dad was left with 5 children ranging from 7 to newborn. So many relatives in and out of the house. A few nanny's here and there.

But THEN.
Then my dad met a beautiful young woman, Stacey. She was a school teacher who went to our church. Very much single and attractive. I honestly do not remember much about her before they were married but every time my dad talks about her and that time his eyes light up.

It is a classic story really. My desperate father needed to higher summer help to take care of his unruly kids. And so he asked Stacey if she would do it. And so she became our summer baby sitter. Taking us to the pool, feeding us, and making sure we stayed out of trouble, mostly. And then, the next thing you know, my dad falls in love with the nanny!!! so classic. They used to go running together all the time. One thing led to another and on June 8, 1997 my dad married Stacey and she became my new mother.

what a good looking family.. '97

our first trip as a new family. West Texas summer of 1997

Taylor Park, Colorado. Week long horse back riding trip through 

the Rockies. 2006

As you can imagine things didn't just easily fall into place. There were lots of rough spots starting out. On both ends. I cannot imagine being very young (29) and very single and then all of a sudden being married and handed 5 children ages 10, 7,5,3,2 (roughly). But she took on the responsibility and soon had us whipped into shape. As the days passed, we all grew more comfortable with each other. Eventually she would legally adopt us as her own children. I remember that day very clearly. I think I was in 5th grade. We all got out of school for the day. We had a special breakfast and then went down to the court house where a judge asked us if we wanted this lady to be our Mother. We all said yes. And from then on Stacey Noll has loved us through the good days and the bad ones. She has raised us up to be respectful, responsible, clean, and independent. Both of my parents love Jesus and so I have been blessed to be raised in a home that was full of His presence and love.

This next part is addressed directly to my mother..

Mom, as I am sure you will read this I want the whole world to know how much I love you! And how I am so thankful you are in my life. You have brought so many wonderful things to our family. Thank you for loving me as your own. You have loved each of us so well. Because of you (and Dad) I am who I am. Thanks for putting up with all of our nonsense. I know it has not been easy, especially in the beginning. The more I process those early days the more your resilience shines through. Your life points me and others directly to Christ. I firmly believe that He gave you the patience and love to put up with all five of us at one time. I know I wasn't the easiest person to be around in high school but know that I have loved you every second of every day. Even when I was throwing my teenage temper tantrums (which i guess still happen occasionally). You took us on so many adventures I have lost track of them all. You convinced Dad that we needed a travel trailer so that we could travel the US. We took that thing everywhere from DC to Colorado and all the way over and up to Canada. And all of those summers at Young Life camps. Simply incredible. My friends were always jealous of our summer adventures.

Thank you for being involved in my life and for being a parent, not a friend, even when it was hard and you didn't want to do it. I am excited now, to become your friend as well :)
 These past few years we have experienced yet another deep loss as a family. A cut so deep it will never fully heal. I am so glad that Dad (and Anne) have you at home. The way you have all daily lived life in  the midst of such horrible loss is a testament to your love. The balance you bring, the life you bring, the love you bring are such a blessing.

I can't fit all of the things I want to say in this blog post but know that I love you very very very much and you will always and forever be MY mother!

Christmas 2010

Here is our family today. We stand here having weathered many storms together. Having suffered much deep loss. But I believe we have been pieced together directly by hands of Christ. Always firmly rooted in His love and our love for each other. I would not change any of it.

So here is to you, Mom!! I hope that Dad and Anne treated you well and made you feel like the special person that you are every day.

I LOVE YOU!