rescued

"He reached down from on high and took hold of me;

he drew me out of deep waters.

He rescued me from my powerful enemy,

from my foes, who were too strong for me.

They confronted me in the day of my disaster,

but the LORD was my support.

He brought me out into a spacious place;

he rescued me because he delighted in me."

-Psalm 18:16-18

Words To Live By

After my senior year of high school they shut down the school, bulldozed most of the buildings and rebuilt it. Because of this my pre-cal teacher, Coach Fulkerson, who was also my Cross Country, coach let all of his students decorate his walls with whatever they wanted. Yeah, a whole lot of crazy happens when you give a bunch of 16-18yr olds colored sharpies and tell them to have fun. Coach Fulkerson had been at Boerne High School for like 20 years or something. He didn't care.

People wrote and drew all sorts of things. Somebody drew ALL of the ninja turtles on the wall. Other people drew stick figures and wrote song lyrics. Me? I wrote this piece of wise wisdom that I just felt needed to be passed along to the world..

Don't you ever forget it...

Technology Loop

I love technology! I love how easy it is to Google things, map things, stalk people (just kidding). You can find out pretty much anything you want to and even lots of things you never wanted to know.

But I can get a little, or a lot, carried away.

This clip from the TV show Portlandia is basically how I feel sometimes....ok a lot of the time. ESPECIALLY with finals right around the corner. I like to distract myself by checking everything device I possibly can. I honestly don't have that many but what I do have is just as dangerous. Check out Fred..

Guess it is time to start putting my Netflix account on hold, and put parental controls on my own computer. Geez, I never thought it would come to this. The funny thing is I, too, like Fred would only have to look at a picture of myself from high school. Cause I didn't enter the technology world until my second semester of senior year. And yes, that would be January of 2008. I was a lucky one. I mean, it gave me more time to do stuff like this:

you know, kissing camels in downtown Boerne, TX and whatnot, just the usual stuff.

So thanks Mom and Dad! Seriously, I owe you one...

Go Spurs Go!!

As we all know I am a San Antonio Spurs fan. Have been as long as I can remember. I always get made fun of here for being one because no one really likes the NBA so I try not to be too overly obnoxious. I don't like the NBA too much, I mostly just like the Spurs. All growing up I went to game after game after game. Some of my best memories. The announcers are so fun and the Coyote (official mascot) is super entertaining. The music is fun and there are so many cheers to keep the fans involved Also, the Spurs are San Antonio's only major sports team. Literally the entire city loves the Spurs. The team spirit is unbelievable and the AT&T center is pretty much full every game. It is hard to describe the pride I have for them to people who have never been to a home Spurs game. Too me it is even different than loving a college team or having a favorite team in general. It runs deeper than that. Call me crazy but it literally is the team that I have cheered for through thick and thin.

This week I had a different Spurs experience. My friend, Megan, lives in Atlanta, Georgia and is also a huge Spurs fan. We have bonded tremendously over this and other things. In February she asked me if I would like to come to see them play the Hawks in April. I said yes. She then told me I didn't have to buy my ticket. Unbelievable this girl. For two months we had a countdown going, it was hilarious and probably annoying to everyone else.

This week was the big day. I left class on Tuesday and drove from Asheville to Atlanta. Megan and I went to Taco Cabana for dinner. Yep! there is one lone TC in Atlanta that somehow continues to survive. Sometimes I think it is there just for me. Then we headed to the Arena. The whole time I had no idea where our seats were going to be. Megan wanted it to be a surprise and so I let it be one. We walked around for a few minutes before descending towards the floor. I still had no idea where we were going. All of the sudden I heard the words "floor seats" and and I was super pumped. THEN I looked up and realized not only did we have floor seats but they were front row, directly behind the Spurs bench!! I cannot lie. I was literally in shock. Even Megan who had purchased the tickets, was in shock. There is no way to describe it except to say, it was awesome. We were so close.

Close enough to reach out and touch every player (if not for the security guards).

Close enough to read all of their tattoos and to see Manu's bald spot up close and personal.

Close enough to literally be standing up and part of the huddle every time a full timeout was called.

Close enough to rest drinks on their team water cooler (before we were caught).

Close enough to get Tim Duncan to smile at us and George Hill to turn around and stare deep into our souls.

Close enough to see hear Tony's accent and coach Greg Popovich get very angry.

Close enough to personally encourage each player. Especially Tiago..

Need proof? (all photos courtesy of Megan herself)..my camera is still broken

We even had better seats than Danny Ferry! he used to play

for the Spurs.

The night was unbelievable! and one I am sure never to forget. Megan and I had so much fun cheering and laughing and yelling. I apparently was on TV a alot in San Antonio. Several friends told me as much. There were two younger guys sitting next to us who provided just as much entertainment as the game itself.

I have never felt so involved in a game before. I can't even count the number of Spurs games I have been in attendance at but this one pretty much topped almost every single one of them in respect to closeness to the players.

At the end of the game we ran over for high fives. George Hill was the only one who stopped to give us one but honestly, he was the only one we were really hoping for. Perfection.

It was so fun to be there and it to feel like a quasi-night in Texas. Megan is super fun and awesome. I have been to Atlanta twice in the past year and have yet to be disappointed!

It was also very fun to talk about afterwards. I have replayed the whole game and looked at the pictures (all of which were taken my Megan) so many times just to make sure I wasn't dreaming.

So far, it might have been the overall best night of 2011.

Here's to you Megan Hafer!!!

This guy

Last night I had a dream. Don't remember what it was about but this guy was there!

And he was my grandpa in the dream and it was awesome. I have absolutely no idea why the heck I would be dreaming about John Wayne. But this morning I woke up very puzzled. And then found this quote in one of my old journals. I went through a quote phase and I tried to find all the coolest quotes and write them down (ok I may still be in that phase). And I found this one I wrote down Junior year of high school

"Courage is being scared to death-and saddling up anyway"

-John Wayne

And thus concludes my strange post about John Wayne.

Romans 8:38

This morning I had plans to go to church. I really did. And then the rug was pulled out from under me. I have a picture on my desk of the day we climbed to the top of the Continental Divide as a family. The picture is of the five of us kids smiling in our 'rat clothes' (everyday shorts and t-shirts-go ahead and giggle) holding the family dog, Winnie, just thankful to not be climbing anymore. It is without a doubt my favorite picture of all of us. I see it every day but for some reason or another it just set me off. I started sobbing uncontrollably, like ya do, and weeping because I will never on this earth understand why my smiley little brother chose to end his own life. A question that I will undoubtably ask my self every day for as long as I am breathing on this earth.

Well this crying led me down the path of everything. The path of everything is what I call my ADD grief mode. When I just start thinking about things randomly one after the other. Sometimes they tie in together sometimes they don't. I have had to learn to keep myself in check while on the path of everything because sometimes it can be way to overwhelming. This morning the path of everything led me to think about how I am remembering John. How I am defining who he was and still is in my memory. And I became sad because I realized that I have been defining him so much by how he chose to end his life. And yes! that is a big deal. Most people who knew John on the surface level, that is how they will define him forever whether they realize it or not. To all of Boerne, TX we are the family whose son/brother killed himself and John is the amazing kid who tragically took his own life. Harsh sounding I know but it is true. But I think I am trying to begin reaching a point where this does not bother me because I don't want what I remember to only be about the final moments of his life. It will always be a part of what I remember and sometimes it will overtake the other good parts in my mind but I will fight to never let it be the bottom line definition of John Noll.

The real way I want to remember John is rest of the 16 years that I kew him. And I can't think about John without thinking about Jesus. I've never known somebody so young driven by their love for Christ quite like John and I don't think that I ever will. I thought about how John's love for Jesus manifested itself in his life. Most of my favorite examples involve Young Life camp. And one summer that sticks out like a sore thumb to me is the summer of 2006 at Sharp Top Cove in Jasper, GA. John was 13. I was 16. I was 16 and irrationally upset with my parents for making me go to Sharp Top with my mom (dumb hormones). John was 13 and a servant. John spent every single day of the 3 weeks we were there in the kitchen washing dishes. Not exploring, or doing things he wasn't supposed to do but elbow deep in the nasty dirty dishwater of 500+ people EVERY DAY. I, on the other hand, stayed near the house and did some babysitting and pretty much mostly things I wanted to do. I wasn't all that bad but I remember being so embarrassed that my 13 yr old brother was doing more work than I was. But it was what it was. And looking back on that summer (which kind of changed my life in many many ways) I will always appreciate how John was so selfless and always willing to help out. I can really only remember a handful of times when he didn't put himself first.

John was always giving me life advice that whether I wanted to admit it or not, was mostly truthful. He used to tell me about boys and about how I needed to stop being so uptight all the time (he was right). And I used to tell tell him to go away. He was the best button pusher I have ever known. I don't think I have ever gotten so mad at somebody as I used to get at John. But that is how it goes as siblings. I used to feel guilty but now I don't. John and I loved each other and showed it in different ways but we were also siblings and knew how to stir up trouble with each other.

Everyone including myself always used to talk about what an old soul John had. And I agree, he always did seem to be an old man in a young boy's body. He hardly ever seemed to really 'act his age.' He did have his moments but they seemed few and far between. But when he finally was in high school and got his license I remember my parents telling me stories about him and laughing because he was real teenage boy after all, full of mischief and shenanigans but all the while still loving Jesus and because of that, serving and loving others so well. I mean, I don't think there was a kid at Boerne Samuel V. Champion High School that has a bad thing to say about my brother.

My favorite mischievous story might be the time I came home as a senior in high school to a flaming coffee can in the driveway surrounded by gasoline and a hairspray bottle. I totally freaked for a lot of reasons, mainly we lived in the middle of town, and John just calmly told me he was making a goblet of fire like Harry Potter. I was so mad at him. He was such a pyro.

I also remember being a junior in high school and going to church with the family and everyone fighting over who had to sit by Mom and Dad (don't worry parents! we still loved you). But not John he would always take the seat next to them so the rest of us wouldn't have to. A small thing but all of the small things are starting to add up.

All of this to say I want to do a better job of letting Christ define John's life. Going to Boerne will always be hard. Always. But I hope that I can learn to treasure ALL of the moments I had with John. The good ones AND the hard ones. I will never understand why by his own choice he chose to leave us and I will always feel a deep sadness for the time I don't get to spend with him but someday I will get to hug his scrawny little neck again and punch him in the arm and tell him how much I missed him and how proud I am of him because

"I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." -Romans 8:38

I believe this truth with all of my being. Doesn't mean I am not sad or miss John or that I won't continue to be attacked by grief but I know that he loved Jesus and that no matter what he did Jesus still loves him and wants to remind me of the same thing. He wants me to rest in this confidence. To stop living for myself and trying to make myself better, because that will lead me no where, but to day by day moment by moment place Him first in my life trusting that he will take me and do with me what he wants. And not in a cheesy way but in a confident, hope filled way. The impossible became the possible in my life and I am still trying to wrap my mind around it but the thing that remains firm in my heart is the truth in Christ and that he can handle it all and more. There is so much more I could write about John but I'm sure it will come out in many more blog posts in the future. But for now, John, thanks for being awesome. So sad you are gone and will be always but thanks for being my awesome little brother.

John using the only operational flame thrower

in Texas after a WWII reenactment of which he took part in regularly in Fredericksburg, TX.

He was so proud of it that he called me and ask me how he could email it to me. I

had to walk him through how to send an email. He hated technology

and that is something I love about him.

SPRING BREAK!!!

So I had Spring break a little over 2 weeks ago. Crazy. Last year I stayed in Asheville and my sister, Mary, came to visit from Wheaton College outside of Chicago. I learned the hard way that it is not a good idea to stay in town for Spring Break. Mary and I had a wonderful time but there were lots of activities and things that I felt I had to be present. I could have said no but I didn't.

This year Mary and I decided to spring break again together. In the brainstorming process, Mary decided she wanted to do some camping and hiking in Great Smoky Mountain National Park. So I started figuring ways out to make this happen also knowing there was no way we would be able to camp for a full week in early March. So I enlisted the help of my friend Drew who is an experienced backpacker. And we planned a two day two night trip to be followed up by Mary and I heading to Nashville, TN for 3 days. My friend Brandon also accompanied us on the backpacking trip.

We left Monday morning and hit the trail by 1:30pm hiking 5 miles before setting up camp for the night. Well, I let the pictures tell the rest of the story..

cr-v beasted the snow.

just like Little House on the Prairie! haha

campsite #1

yep. this is normal :)

Day 2: 13 mile day. first 4 straight up.

i don't even know..

atop Hemphill Bald.

Music City!

All of their posters are hand printed. It is kind

of a trade mark place in Nashville.

One of my favorite places we ate.

you can probably smell the butter

wafting out of the computer screen

Parents were married here in the 80's. Sadly,

the original sanctuary burned down 5 yrs ago.

but the steeple is in the same place...

Centennial Park with our friend Daniel.

Self guided tour of Vanderbilt University. So cool

View of downtown Nashville at night from a walking bridge.

Overall the trip was great. There were a few speed bumps and hard times but it is a trip that produced many many stories (both wonderful and terrible). But I think that is what I am beginning to love about it. It was real. Frustrating at times but very rewarding in others. Being removed from it I am beginning to look at the pieces individually and discover the goodness in all of the moments. I discovered that my body can put up with mentally and physically a lot more than I thought it could. I am beginning to learn the art of true patience and being ok with being lost and that things never do really turn out the way you want them to and that is actually have the fun. If things actually always turned out the way I want them to I think I would actually be even more frustrated.

I believe that Spring Break 2011 will be fondly remembered for years to come.

"SPRING BREAAK!!!!!!!!"

(always yelled as loud as possible while waving

two sets of rock and roll fingers in the air and followed by a woohoo!)